I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better not be in your backpack
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize