so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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