This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
