Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
