So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
