Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize