This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
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I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
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I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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