I met the friendliest cop last night
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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