dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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