mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
