omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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