Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
farters have to be the big spoon...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
