On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
