five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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