People in love make me want to vomit
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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