yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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