I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
