just survived the first fart of the relationship.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
