I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
