People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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