I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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