I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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