she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
