You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
