so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
