Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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