Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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