Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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