So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
