What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
