My entire life is one complicated drinking game
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
