from now on my penis is your penis
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
When did angry sex become our thing?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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