saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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