How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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