i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
