ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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