So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
