New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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