i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
