I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
