so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
