He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
