I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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