none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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