May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
