nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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