i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
