Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Randomize