Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
