Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
