sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
