Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
