Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
