god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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