I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Can I color on your dick again?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
