turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
