i may or may not be watching the land before time
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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