Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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