apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
