it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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