I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
