I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
