Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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