i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
