i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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