Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
