I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
