Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
