i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This toilet bowl is my home.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
