Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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