I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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