singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
