She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
