Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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