I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
