Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
