I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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