FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
