he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
tell me about the eggs
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